Carmimix3's Journals

I`ll make your past regret it`s future, here`s to you.

Inspired by this, sorta.

I`m warning you that this will most probably not make sense, but read on if you wish to. (:

I got into a train of not so deep thought last night (or should i say this morning, around 2AM?) and i ended up writing this. It`s pretty long, but if you have nothing better to do you may read it & comment as well.

I`m 13, incoming freshman. Good school, the most awesome friends. It`s hard to say, well not really but yeah. We`re kind of growing up. This long, winding road actually leads somewhere.

When I was like 4, I thought that I would stay a little tot forever, I thought the whole world revolved around me and that it`s my life, everyone else just lived in it. Until one night I was hit with a dose of reality. There are a hella lot of other things happening out there. Not just my Barbie doll`s head getting bit off by my dog, but stuff that actually matter. It`s like for most of my toddler days, I didn`t really know what`s what and how things work. Heck, up to this day I don`t understand a lot of things and I`m not sure if it`s `cause I choose not to understand, or I`m just plain stupid. This is going no where, ha.

Right now, things are alright. Not the best it could be but I can manage. Summer`s a blast though sometimes I don`t always get what I want, there`s always weeks and weeks of trying to accomplish something. I do not want to waste my life doing a shitload of things I hate.

About a year ago, I wasted my time going crazy over the most senseless things. Talking to people I know who`ll never really take an effort to get to know me and probably forgetting my name after a pretty decent conversation. I practically spent 2007`s summer & 7^th grade in wishful thinking mode. Again, I thought that everything was gonna fall into place just like Hayley sings on Hallelujah. But no, life`s a bitch sometimes. You fight, you make people cry, you tear up yourself plus, there`s an added bonus of Algebra homework! I didn`t understand what I was going through for the last 12 months, it`s like my brain shut down and all my senses were just there to take part and witness everything that happened. I`m not saying I`m any better of a thinker now and that I can totally get it.

I`m still very naÃ¯ve and very prone to doing the dumbest of things. I just realized that there`s more to life then just singing your favorite song again and again & hanging out in the mall with your friends. Shit happens, and it happens for a reason. It`s there to teach you something, it`s there for you to grow. Without that shitload of bad in our lives, we can never tell what`s really great, right?

That was pretty odd. (PATD, haha.) I just needed to get that out.

Comment & tell me how you view life.

Kthnxbye. = ] ]

Help!

i'm posting this here, for some reason.

i need to rant, or get this outta my chest.
i'd put this on my regular blog but all my friends are just gonna fuck on me or something.

thank God they don't use buzznet.

On to what i'm really trying to say.

In the school i go to, everyone is very clique-ish. Not in a stereotype kinda way but generally, it`s like this: "If you`re going to be in our group, you can only hang out with us & the following people, blah blah". There`s some unwritten law that you have to follow, which really sucks.

Well, not to brag but i`m in one of the "notorious" groups in my grade, we were part of the bigger group who threw our first "official party" as a batch and everyone seems to think we're so hardcore and everything. That`s not entirely true, though.

It`s been a wild ride in this clique of mine. We`re 6, including me. I love them to death, my friends are wonderful i swear but lately i haven`t been "feeling them".

Up until the first week of graduation practice, everything was fine but i can say BOYS have changed mostly everything. [We go to an all-girls catholic school, so it`s pretty cool to have guy friends]

We`ve always had guy friends from other schools since the 6th grade. Problem was they were older, so we weren`t allowed to call them "ours". Hence, our heartbreak. This year`s fair, we met some guys from an all-boys paref school in the South. I knew of them for a long time, and my friends really didn`t care. Didn`t have much contact with them till we needed a band for our party and got them to play.

Up until the week of graduation practice, 2 of my friends went in the studio to go for band practice. It was pretty much all they could talk about in school the next day. Sucks, i couldn`t relate. The day of the party came and due to the venue`s rules the band couldn`t play. So most of them, partied with the guys. I felt left out, cause i pretty much HATE all of the boys, for some reason. I didn`t mind really.

Okay, this problem isn`t really about boys.
It`s just me, i guess.
I don`t understand why i haven`t been so comfortable talking and hanging out with my friends anymore.

I didn`t go to the mall with them once, and it seemed like they have so much more fun without me. Like hella more.
Today, they went to the amusement park but i wasn`t there `cause i was out of town for a family trip and they don`t even tell me they`re back or anything.

We used to hang at my place all the time, but lately they`ve been going to my other friend`s house just because she lives near most of their guy friends [i`m not calling them my friends anymore because i just realized i hate them]. I was thinking because my parents were strict and uptight sometimes but they don`t seem to mind with my friends there. So i guess not.

I feel like my friends secretly hate me or something, they wanna kick me out of the group and leave me for all those suckers from that boys school. Right now, i hate my friends & those boys. I just don`t have the guts to say it to their face and do something about it. I`m scared to lose my reputation, especially since i`m going into freshman year soon.

Thank God it`s summer, i don`t have to deal with them everyday.
Then again, if i did see them everyday i wouldn`t feel this way.

Ah, fuck. Advice, anyone?
And don`t tell me to talk to them, i`m positive that isn`t going to work.

I Never Thought I`d Say This.

Hey. This is my first serious entry all Christmas Break :-j

So you better read this, please. ;;)

Well, 2007`s coming to a close and I don`t think it`s right to end it with a survey.

So yeah. Here it goes. I`m putting E V E R Y T H I N G here, from parting notes, hellos & goodbyes,

thank you letters & whatnot. You`ll see `em here. ~~I might even put another 20 things if I feel like it.~~ ;))

Don't blink, don't close your eyes,

But most of all don't apologize.

It's me who's got the demons to wrestle now.

First of all, I`d like to say sorry to anyone and everyone I`ve hurt, insulted, stabbed in the back, was mean to and/or offended in the past year. (Madami ka`yo, I know) I`ve had my faults, and I`ve made loads of mistakes. I regret saying so many things. And I`m so sorry for all that. To all the people I`ve done wrong to, or who well, despise me for some reason. I`m begging for forgiveness here. I`M SORRY.

Counting down all of the hours I've spent here,

Drowning in all of your lies dear,

I wish that I could have been warned

To continue at that, if you don`t like me. Bahala ka sa buhay mo. I don`t care anymore, I won`t change for you & I`ll leave it that. You`re not worth it. I`ve lost a few friends this year, and I regret being so nice. Plastic people suck. `Nuff said.

i know this would never stay between us,

and that's alright cause i don't have anything to hide,

and my only, desire is to uncover,

the truth about me.

2007 was an eye-opening year for me. I`ve learned a lot, I`ve met and gained more friends. I`ve gotten to know others & myself better. All of you; my lovely family, my oh-so-awesome barkada, amazing friends, batchmates & everyone in school, and even to the people I`ve yet to meet & get to know. I express the greatest amount of gratitude and thanks to you. Without you, my year wouldn`t have been as wonderful as it was. In some little, tiny way, you made my year. ;) Though it`s hard to believe, you probably did. :â�>

Sing to me this melody

I'll let the rhythm take control

Sing to me this melody

A rhythm I have never known

This one`s gonna be a little random, but if you`re in a band, a musician, played or written anything I love to listen to; I thank you for your music. (Okay. I know that it`s impossible for most bands to read this, but you never know. This is going on my Buzznet & MySpace too. :â�>) Your songs have kept me sane throughout the year and has gave me something to listen to while I was dreading life. Music was there at my good times, breaking points and everything in between. So if you are responsible for anything on my playlist, whether you introduced band to me, or well you`re in band. I thank you. ;))

I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt; now the rain is just

Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind

Keeping an eye on the world,

So many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now

I'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head

I`ll keep this one short. I liked people this year, I can admit that.

And I think I still do. As friends, nothing more than that. They`re kyot, so what? Does that have to matter?

Theyâ�™re nice people too. Anyway. I just wanted to clarify that. HAHA. :)

and you've got me almost figured out

there's almost nothing left to see

you're bringing out the best in me

Last but not the least, I`m going to thank all of you (again) for the wonderfully amazing year. It was great, one for the books. I had my fair share of ups and downs, good times and bad times. In short, it was one hell of a roller coaster ride. But nonetheless, it enjoyed every moment of it. Memories, are to be kept. And I will surely remember the ones I made this year. ;)

I am so stoked and psyched for New Year`s. The last year flew by so fast and I`m quite excited for the next one to come. So many events and â�œmilestonesâ� to mark.

I can`t wait. (These are just the Pre-Summer stuff)

1. Intrams

2. Alissa`s 14^th :o

3. Fair :â�>

4. MCR

5. Star Gazing

6. Justin Timberlake?

7. Maroon 5 (Well, maybe.)

8. Incubus

9. Patricia`s 13^th ;)

10. Saosin

11. Grad. Practice

12. G R A D U A T I O N

13. e M E R G E n c y :>

&& so much more. I really can`t wait now. :D/

Cheers to Two Thousand Eight. ;)

Stay safe this New Year`s.

I`ll end this at that.

I love you all. >:D<

All the best,

Carmela Ramirez :]

Ohyeah. I love Sherwood, The Scene Aesthetic, So They Say, Run Kid Run & All Time Low for the lyrics above. ;)

mind over matter.

It`s the first time i`m posting here.

Wow. I`m actually using my Buzznet account for something besides commenting.

Anywhoo. It`s around 3 AM and i`ve been pigging out on Hershey`s. I can`t help myself, the holidays are still here.

I don`t know why i`m blogging here, maybe i`m afraid what my friends who constantly view my other sites are going to think.

I have no idea. My kitchen smells like paint, so i don`t bother to get anything to drink. My phone just died, too.

I stopped by MySpace a while ago and came accross this cool band, they`re called First Class Fever and their song: Mind Over Matter has been constantly ringing in my ears.

Now, i'm watching some random videos of these boys singing Paramore`s My Heart, and doing a terrible job at it.

The holidays aren`t what I remembered.
I didn`t even get anything that special.

AH. Oh well.

I`ll try to update this more

<3